Evening guys. Well where do I start?!? Today I had my follow up appointment after my second failed attempt. I was armed with questions about what to do next and was feeling stronger. It’s all so overwhelming, there’s so many options, but it all feels like a gamble!
When I arrived my lovely lovely Doctor said she wasn’t surprised it didn’t work, due to the poor quality of the embryo?!?! I saw it in black and white, “poor quality”. I was instantly confused and shocked!!! I’d been told all of mine were high quality and that it had thawed fine and we were good to go. Before I went in for the transfer we were told again it was high grade and good quality. So the poor little embryo never really stood a chance. It’s like waving someone off with a brand new car, knowing full well it’ll break down a few weeks later. That’s how I feel. I would of waited for a better quality one, that’s an entire attempt gone, wasted. I’m so hurt, upset and a little angry. It’s not the doctors fault, I don’t really understand what happened. Mis communication, or they thought they’d try it anyway. Who knows!?!?! So I’ve gone through the entire process again, for something that had practically no chance of working anyway. I’m stunned. I spent two weeks praying, hoping believing it could work.
Third time lucky hey! Let’s hope so. The one tiny silver lining is it might not be my body rejecting the embryo. I was looking at having the natural killer cells test, some women have higher levels, meaning they’ll attack anything deemed a foreign object in your body. If you do have them it’s treated with two different types of medication usually. As a pre caution I can opt to take these anyway. One is Prednisolone, a form of steroid taken orally in tablet form. This can increase the chances of implantation. Theres a long list of awful side effects, one actually says your face can get rounder and you’ll gain weight around your tummy!!! I’ve already got a round face!! I was once called moon head!! The second is Clexane, a blood thinner. This is designed to prevent clots and again improves chances of implantation. This needs to be injected. Joy 🙂 I’ve also been advised to take low dose asprin, 75mg, which is something people with implantation failure can take.
I’m going to do the modified natural cycle again. So that means more clomid orally, scans, cyclogest (these are pessaries!!) and then the ovrtrielle trigger shot again too. I’m going to rattle and feel like a pin cushion, all while having a massive round head!!!
I’m also going to get a meeting with an embryo specialist. I paid for embryo scope monitoring, so this is included. I want to understand how this happened and I want to make sure it doesn’t happen again. We have one attempt left on the NHS. Because I had polyps my eggs were all frozen, so you get more attempts.
Another thing I need to consider is having two embryos put back!!! This isn’t something I’m keen on at all. The thought of potentially having twins scares me to death!!! I just know it would be too much for me, I don’t want two babies at once, I just want one. I know some may think two is better, but I’d freak out and take one to my sisters!! There’s also then the risk of miscarriage, or early labour, they can end up quite poorly and I just don’t want to go through that. I have HUGE respect for mothers and fathers of twins!!!!!!!
So this all means I’d start the meds again mid January, then try again in February. Anyone got a magic fertility wand please?? All we can do now is enjoy Xmas and New Year, then start again! I’m back at the gym and I’ll continue to eat well. It seems every programme I watch at the moment is about babies and children! Babies are everywhere, I just hope one day we’ll have our own.
Thanks for reading. If anyone else has tried this method, I’d love to hear about it. Also a huge thank you again for all of your kind words and support. It really means a lot. Xx