Guilt and shame

Do you beat yourself up constantly?? Do you suffer from terrible guilt when you go off track? Are you really hard on yourself??? Please read on….

In group we’ve been sharing about this a lot. We need to forgive ourselves, otherwise the same patterns of behaviour can repeat themselves again and again. We can be our own worst critic can’t we!

You’ve suffered long enough! If you’re in pain you can then go in to denial. Anger can creep in, you say the most awful things to yourself. You become harsh, cruel and judgemental to yourself. You then can become defeated and give up.

Tell yourself something often enough and you’ll believe it. You believe you’ll fail then shame will reinforce it. The fab news is you can change this!!! No more words like weak, rubbish, ugly, f*t, useless, stupid!! Change your mindset and things will change. Think positive and positive things will happen. No one is perfect, we need to try and learn to love ourselves.

Try this. It’s just something I did for myself and it really helped.

Get 2 pieces of paper

1. Write down your current hurdles/obstacles/excuses. What’s getting in your way???

2. Write down any negative thoughts you have about yourself…….

What sort of things do we say to ourselves?????

For me recently it was things on holiday like I look bad in my bikini, or I was very self critical when I tried on a short playsuit I wanted to wear. I compare myself to others negatively all the time!!! People think I’m confident, but I’m uber self critical!!! How must this make my friends and family feel? Do they really want to hear me being so mean to myself?? Probably not! Why do women do this?!?! I never hear my husband be self critical, or my dad, they occasionally may make a joke about their weight or other features, but it’s very rare!! I’m always putting myself down about my appearance. It’s so hard when you’ve had a weight problem and felt awful emotions attached to this. It’s something I’m working on. I’m also terrible for taking and accepting compliments, it’s like I don’t deserve them. I get really embarrassed!! You’ll notice I don’t appear in my videos, this is because I’m so self critical! I’ll crack it. This helped.

3. Ok now screw them up, rip them up, burn them and throw them away!!!! Don’t let them hold you back any more!!!

Now get a 2nd piece of paper :-

4. Write down 3 things you like about yourself.

Are you struggling???? Hard isn’t it! This is rather sad. I really really struggled with this!!! It’s taken me months to feel ok about liking things about myself. You can do it though, keep thinking. It doesn’t hurt to repeat this a few times a month, or re read them. I’m not talking about loving yourself in an arrogant way. I’m talking about being kind to yourself and recognising all that makes you amazing, because you are!!!

If you struggle, try and think about what your friends might say about you? Be your own best friend.

Our incredible and amazing founder, Margaret talks about turning down the volume of the negative bully in your heads and turning up the positive one. I love this!! How would you deal with any other bully??? Do the same with this voice!!!! Either ignore it or tell it to do one!

There’s a wonderful video from Margaret all about freedom from guilt, log on to lifeline online and have a watch with a cuppa. You can also read a feature on learning to love yourself.

Happy Fopping and I hope this helped some of you xxxx

 

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