Secret eating ssssssssshhhhhhhhhhh

Have you ever been a secret eater? Are you still one?!?! I didn’t think I was anymore, but I’ve just done it!! I thought I’d cracked my little habit I used to have!! Mine was different to some people that secret eat though. To me secret eating implies getting up at night and eating while your partner is asleep, or scoffing things in the car then disposing of the rubbish before you get home, or legging it to the staff room while you know it’ll be empty and quickly stealing a few chocolates, then re arranging all the wrappers so no one notices!!! You literally become like a master criminal who can conceal any evidence that could expose your secret ways!!!! 


For me it’s a weird one. Growing up I didn’t secret eat, my mom did go through dieting on and off, but it didn’t have an effect on me. It was the opposite in my family!! We were encouraged to eat!!! My extended family would show they loved you through feeding you!! My parents liked us to finish our food before we left the table. (This does now mean however that I cannot leave food!!) 


At uni I didn’t feel the need to secret eat. I was a student, it was our right to eat crap!!! We’d often go to jacksins and buy tons of crisps, chocolate and millions of wham bars!!!! 


When I joined sw and lost my weight I never ever did it!! I was so committed to my goals, I wouldn’t dream of cheating myself. 


Boyfriends have never judged me for my huge appetite, they actually quite liked I wasn’t a lettuce leaf only twig. They’d usually laugh that I ate more than them!! The first few meals I’d pretend I couldn’t finish my meals out, or I’d try and eat really slow, but then I couldn’t sustain it and I’d eat all my food then there’s lol. Sod being starving and having to make more food when I got home!! 


My secret eating actually wasn’t really even in secret. Or was it?!?! My weird secret eating habits started ironically when I lived on my own for the first time ever. I’d spilt up with my previous long term boyfriend and I was on my own for the first time ever!!!! No one to judge me, no one around to see how much I was eating, whoooo hooooooo I’d go mental!!!! Now when I say go mental, I still eat things that were classed as “on plan”, but I’d go way over the feeling of being full!!! There wasn’t any “everything in moderation!” I could easily eat a huge dinner, as I couldn’t get the portions right cooking for one, then I’d eat 2 yogurts and fruit, then go back for more yogurts, then more, then maybe a hi fi bar, then more yogurts.. You get the picture!!!!  No one knew, so it wasn’t classic secret eating, but I was kidding myself this was ok. 


My weight kept creeping up and I couldn’t understand why, my new habit was a secret from myself!!! I talked about my despair with my sister and then actually kept a note of what I was eating in a day. I was shocked!!! I think some of it was boredom and not used to being on my own, or just a strange feeling of my inner rebel thinking “it’s just me now, so I’ll do what I want when I want!!!” I would never of eaten all that in front of someone else!!!! 


I do still find myself secret eating though!! I’ll serve dinner, wait for Chris to go in the lounge, then sometimes put more on my plate!!! Or I’ll pretend I’m being nice and wash up lol, so I can eat some of the leftovers!!!! I have been known to take photos of my food, then add more on, ha ha ha, the shame!!!!!!!!! 


I need to address eating only till I’m full and letting my brain register I’m full!! I eat at the speed of light though!! I literally eat so fast I could of eaten my dinner and made another three course meal before you’ve finished yours!!! I find it so hard to waste food, but I need to realise I’m not a waste bin either!!!


Tonight I’ve eaten my dinner, my dessert, then went out to the kitchen “to tidy” and sneaked a few spoons of yogurt out the fridge!!! OMG thinking about it now its like a light bulb!!! I wouldn’t have a problem eating fruit, veg etc in front of Chris but I have this weird guilt association with too much yogurt! I know it’s free guys, but it’s still calories and I eat too much!!! I think normal people eat just one yogurt like my sister, so I feel bad if I eat more, so hide it!!! Isn’t it funny the habits we get!!! I’ve not been eating much yogurt for this reason and because I try and do eesp more. Today it was like my old triggers were back as I’d bought some. I couldn’t stop thinking about it being in the fridge!! With large pots I’m screwed!!! Once that lids off I have to eat it all!!! 


It’s not a massive deal luckily for me, as sw is a very very generous eating plan, if I was on a actual diet I’d be way worse!!!! I’d rebel big time and eat utter rubbish!!!! If I didn’t eat healthily it would be worse too. It still needs sorting though.


In some cases it’s actually a really serious issue and some would go as far as to say it’s an eating disorder. I think for many these habits have nothing to do with food, it’s more about what’s going on in our heads. This form of secret eating can give you a buzz for five seconds, but then it’s usually followed by guilt! It’s about figuring out why you do it, if you do. 


Most of us just need to stop worrying so much about what people might think. It’s easy to feel like everyone is watching and judging you, especially if you’re not happy with how you look and you’re eating chocolate or crisps. But you’re allowed to eat these things on sw, nothing is banned, food is there to enjoy. Do you enjoy it as much if you’re eating it in secret?!? Probably not. 


If you are someone who eats secretly, hides wrappers, or waits until your partners, family, friends or colleagues are out before tucking into that second dinner try thinking twice before you do it next time. You may never have told anyone you do it and It may not be easy to stop. But remember this, on sw food is nothing to be ashamed of. If people don’t understand our plan, or why we can eat lots of lovely free foods, weighed and measured healthy extras and then enjoy our syns, teach them. Explain to them how it works, that way you shouldn’t feel bad about eating them through fear of being judged. 


That’s my little bit of self disclosure for tonight.


Happy Fopping xx

   

   

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3 responses

  1. My eating history sounds very familiar to yours, always encouraged to finish what was on my plate as a child and if there was anything left in the serving bowls in the middle of the table they would be finished too rather than being thrown out!
    I don’t stop eating when I’m full whereas my husband stops when he’s had enough so I quite often eat more than him.

    I chuckled slightly about the “tidying up” as I’m relieved to hear that I’m not the only one who does this!

    When I’m completely in the SW zone, I manage to stop these secret eating habits but I find it so easy to slip back!

    It’s reassuring to hear other people battle with these little traits!

    Thank you and keep blogging! xx

  2. Wow, how enlightening! I’m a little over 4 months into my slimming world journey and ive lost 1st 9.5lbs so far which is amazing as i never thought when i first started i could do it! I think this could defo be my issue too, as I eat a lot of free foods i’m not actually portion controlling so i also tend to eat quite a lot as im seeing it all as free food. I guess i’m a secret eater too and this blog has defo given me “food for thought” xx

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